I’ve tried as hard as I could. Always putting others first. Always thinking of how my actions will affect others, yet still I find myself at a crossroad.
I have searched for new ways of handling situations, new answers to the mind boggling questions, but still NOTHING. I have prayed with all of my might. I have tried not to ask why, but what do I really know about your way of life?
I attended Catholic school when I was 15 and I remember pretending that I knew the prayers and hymns when everyone else actually did. Was this wrong of me? Is this why I’ve had problems in my adult life? Nah, probably not. I don’t know it just bothers me now that I’m older.
I’m sorry. I feel like we have a good relationship, even though after all of these years I still don’t know any prayers or hymns and don’t attend church. The most I can repeat with ease is the Our Father and a little bit of Hail Mary. Don’t count on me for anything else to be recited with much confidence when it comes to your book. I really am just being honest.
I do curse a lot and well I know I can be nicer to others, but I guess I still have a lot I still need to work on. I’m a work in progress. You know this.
At least I don’t do drugs, though I do drink every now and then, and I don’t break laws. I guess this isn’t really making a difference.
I know you love me, even though I am one of your sinning children, but God, I’m coming to you because I can’t handle any more. I’m overwhelmed. I’m feeling stuck and have nowhere to turn, but to YOU.
You’ve always been the one to listen no matter how busy you may be. You always make time for me.
What do I do now?
I really screwed up. People wonder why I don’t have a career in law enforcement since I have a college degree in the field, and I give all types of excuses, but the truth is, I’ve been red flagged and I’m guilty by association.
I have kids that I want to give the world to, but thanks to my past decisions, I now have to do so by freelancing and working menial jobs. I teach them to always have faith, but let’s be real, faith doesn’t pay the bills nor does it put food on the table. How much more until I get a break?
Maybe you are tired of hearing me when I pray, but I ask for guidance for the sake of my kids. Bring me to the light to ease my troubled mind. I’m really not that bad. I’m just tired.
Tired of being tired.
Tired of being broke.
Tired of trying to make things better and getting nowhere.
Tired of paying for something I had nothing to do with.
I’m simply guilty by association and have been sentenced to a life of punishment.
I’m tired of everything.
All I can say at the end of every day is tomorrow is another day.
Time for me to put my big girl panties on, suck up the tears, and tell all of the hardships to step the hell away from my circle, because there is no time for wimps in this fight!
There’s only room for warriors that won’t give in to any ill ways, yup, I’m a warrior!
So with that being said, I know others know the truth and those that don’t, now they will.
Thanks for listening.
Time to keep it moving until I am unable to move.
I’m in it to win it!
Reblogged from Bubblews. ScreamingDreams. http://goo.gl/SyUJMJ