Sometimes Last is Better Than First

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Why didn’t I think of it first?
Like the time you made me smile when I thought the world was crashing down. Your strength shined brighter than any source of light my eyes have ever come in contact with.

Like the time that one hug from you made me feel more loved than I could have ever imagined I could be loved. Your embrace lifted me to the highest peak of emotions, turning me into a superhero with the ability to overcome all challenges instantly.
Why didn’t I think of it first?

Like the time you kissed me and washed away all of the hurt that ever embedded itself within my soul. You healed my tarnished and damaged elements without hesitation.
Why didn’t I think of it first?

You have changed my negative thoughts. You have taught me better coping skills. You have built me up and I now feel more capable.
I love you for all that you do!

I may not have thought of the actions first, but I want to be the person who returns it all to you last, so that you know for once in your life, you are worth it all.

I want to be your last and only love just as you became my first.

Reblogged from Bubblews. ScreamingDreams. http://goo.gl/OCOMYL

When Love Knows No Boundaries: A Letter to My Son on His 14th Birthday

Happy 14th Birthday, Tito!

Happy 14th Birthday, Tito!

Dear Son,
Today you turn 14 years old. As I watched you this morning walk towards me as I exited my bedroom, I could not believe how grown you have become. I can remember the day that we first met. I never knew the magnitude of appreciation, love and dedication that I would learn to have when it comes to the free gifts of life.

The first time we met. You are on the far right and was 10 years old.

The first time we met. You are on the far right and was 10 years old.

We were complete strangers almost 4 years ago. My mind never knew the changes it would go through by raising a child that was not biologically connected to me. My emotions could not imagine back then the different feelings that I would have endured or the fight that I would put up to keep you in my life, even today, since I have no parental rights over you. Yet, my heart has never loved you any less!

My heart screams how much I care about you, your daily experiences, and your future. You have added to the abundance of joy that I have in life. You have blessed me with the opportunity to be called “Mom” by another son. YOU have helped our family grow, not only in size, but in compassion, unity and strength!

Our Family

Our Family

I often think about how a child that has been through so much in a short period of time still has the ability to love wholeheartedly with no barriers. I think about how you have embraced me as your mom and how I have come to love you as my own child. The love I have for you is so strong, that in my mind it makes me feel as if I was the woman to have created, birthed and now raise you.

I sit here almost 4 years later of you coming into my life and I can honestly say that you have helped me grow more as an individual. You have taught me that sometimes in life, it is not the circumstances that challenges a person, but the person that should challenge the circumstances to show that they are stronger than whatever challenge that comes their way.

As you know, this was the first time the boys and I had become a part of a blended family and though you had experienced this phase multiple times before us, this time I am sure would be different for you to adapt to. Your birth has not only become a special day in your life, but also a special day in ours. I gained a son and the boys gained a brother. You have changed our lives and we will forever be grateful for you!

You and your Big brother Boo

Your Big brother BooBoo and You.

Now that you are getting older and you are maturing, I know that you will understand all that I am sharing with you with a more open mind and I want you to know that there will still be many days ahead that challenges will be presented to you, but you must always remember that with faith, belief and strength, not only within yourself, but from US… YOUR FAMILY … you will make it through it all, just as you have made it though everything in your past.

I love you beyond the moon and wish you all the best in life. Always know that I will be right there beside you every step of the way, with brightness in my eyes, belief in my mind, and love in my heart.

Thank you for making me your mom.

Happy Birthday, Son!

Our Family

Our Family

Actress Misty Upham’s Body Found. Another Sufferer of Mental Illness.

File photo of Misty Upham attending a screening of the film "August: Osage County" during AFI Fest 2013 in Los Angeles

32-year-old, Native American actress Misty Upham is the most recent celebrity that has met with death. There has not been any release of the cause of death, but when she disappeared on October 6, 2014, her father released a statement saying that his daughter suffered from mental illness and that a recent change in her medication had left her depressed and suffering from anxiety attacks. On the day she was last seen leaving her sister’s apartment.

Though Upham is most recognized for her roles in the movies Django Unchained and August: Osage County, I’ll be perfectly honest, I have not seen either movie nor have I ever heard of her before happening upon the news reports when she first went missing, but as soon as I did, my mind and heart automatically shifted to autopilot and I began to think of how I and so many suffer from the same conditions.

Over the years since being diagnosed with manic depression (about 18 years ago), I found myself spiraling up and down whenever I had been on medication. Now, don’t get me wrong, this is not a PSA encouraging sufferers to not medicate, but rather a message of just how more awareness is needed when it comes to the prescriptions that are being given out to patients.

Though mental illness affects everyone differently, it is so important to become aware and speak with your physician about the actual side effects that can occur when dosages are maximized or minimized and when a new med is given in attempts to control episodes. About a month ago, I had considered getting back on psychotherapy meds because I felt like I was losing grip on my life. I’m sort of a control freak when it comes to myself and when I reach the peaks of not knowing what my next step is, I try my hardest to reach out and seek help before jumping over the ledge. Well, needless to say, I chose to not go to the appointment I had scheduled and instead chose to work on my emotions by myself.

I understand that not everyone is capable of walking the same path as I walk, but every time I read a story on the news about another life lost of a mental illness sufferer it causes more panic within my body than ever before. Don’t misconstrue what I am saying. No implications are being thrown here. No one knows how Misty Upham passed away and I am not jumping to conclusions. What has been confirmed is that her body was found at the bottom of a 150-foot embankment in Washington and that information alone scares the crap out of me!

My heart goes out to Upham’s family, friends and loved ones and to all of the sufferers of the world. We may not all know each other and we may not all be able to understand the circumstances that have led us to become part of the exhausting list of those who deal with mental illness on a daily basis, but the one thread that does bind us all together is that we know the torment and constant battle that we deal with every moment that we are awake as we suffer and fight to maintain our mental health.

I know it is far-fetched to think that any solution will be created and formulated instantaneously, but I am a strong believer that with awareness and more involvement of understanding, we as a world can make profound leaps towards helping those who suffer from mental illness, so that sufferers can cope better and hopefully one day, all of the stigmas and labels that go hand and hand with mental health will be tossed out as we look at one another not as damaged or tortured souls, but as our fellow human beings who we share this life and world with.

Rest in peace Misty Upham. May your soul now feel free from all that you have suffered in this lifetime and may the peace that you have always sought guide you as you fly through the sky.

Reblogged from Bubblews. ScreamingDreams. http://goo.gl/2M7nTP

Elizabeth Pena will always be Rosie from La Bamba to Me

Pena

I found out today that actress Elizabeth Pena has passed away at the age of 55 on October 14,2014,and my heart immediately dropped to the pit of my stomach.

Many people may know her from her role as Sofia Vegara’s mom,Pilar, on the ABC sitcom Modern Family, but I will always remember Pena as Rosie, the role she had as the sister-in-law of Ritchie Valens played by Lou Diamond Phillips in the movie La Bamba (1987).

Being Latina, I have always taken pride in my Hispanic culture and Pena became a Latina actress that I admired early on in my life. When I first watched La Bamba, I felt empowered by Pena’s performance.

This was the first time I had ever watched a film that portrayed the life that many Latinos were living or had lived growing up. Alcohol, drugs, and pregnancies have always been linked stereotypes to Hispanic communities throughout the world since as far back as I can remember, but for once the world was going to get an inside glimpse of what being Latino was like for the majority of Hispanics in impoverished neighborhoods.

La Bamba touched base on situations that occurred daily, but was rarely spoken about outside of inner circles. For once, Latinos had a voice and they were screaming, “We are here!”

Had it not been for the life story of Ritchie Valens hitting the big screen, the strength and determination that Latinos possess may have been overlooked for many more years. But thankfully, this film stands as a representation that Latinos may go through brutal struggles, but through everything, we fight on for a better life that we know we deserve through our hardworking way of being.

Elizabeth Pena has left behind a legacy for her fans through many projects she was involved in as an actress, director, community leader, and icon for Latinos everywhere. It saddens me that her life was cut short so soon.

She may be remembered by many roles that she played, but she will always be remembered as Rosie from La Bamba to me.

Rest in Peace Elizabeth Pena.
As it was stated by the actor that played Buddy Holly in La Bamba:
“THE SKY BELONGS TO THE STARS!”

Reblogged from Bubblews. ScreamingDreams. http://goo.gl/EDMTdc

Experiences Make Us More Human

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We learn to feel more, have more consideration for others. We no longer separate ourselves from those who can relate to us, but rather we embrace the experience of knowing, meeting, or becoming acquainted with another who understands what we have been through when we face circumstances that make us in tune with humanity.

We are more likely to share our emotions, speak on situations we might have never commented on and approach other situations with stronger will, faith and a higher magnitude of belief to overcome all that comes our way, had we not gone through our own personal experiences.

There’s a dynamic element about becoming more human than what you was prior to suffrage or tribulations. You gain more spiritually when you allow yourself the ability to become larger as a person.

With struggles, problems and weigh downs also comes a greater passion to become who you are meant to be through the lessons learned through life. For every positive, there is a negative, but that negative can teach a valuable lesson if you choose to see even the slightest bit of good in it.

Let your struggles make you more human.
There’s nothing wrong with learning more about yourself, your neighbors, and your world.

After all, we are all human at the end of every day.

Reblogged from Bubblews. ScreamingDreams. http://goo.gl/mZ8KhO

I Write Because…

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I write because nobody listens and because I have a voice in me that wants to be heard, not because I have no life, but because writing provides me life, like oxygen keeps me alive. Without it I would self combust. Live a life full of purpose and passion according to YOUR standards. 
Plan… Apply…Live!! No one has to live your life but YOU!
Have a great day! 

Which way to turn?

So, I’ve reached a blocked road with nowhere to turn and no idea of finding a solution. I’ve been writing on this blog, well mainly reposting posts from another site that I write on, never focusing on the main goal of this blog.

I thought it was a great idea in the beginning because I could share my writing and in a way that was all that was really important to me… People actually getting a chance to read my writing, but now it’s just not feeling the same. I feel like I should be doing more, but I don’t know what.

I have no specific genre or specialty to focus on. Yes, I enjoy writing on life issues, inspirational topics, and I’m full of opinions, but I never could figure out where to go with this blog, I guess this is why I just kept sharing my stuff, but now I feel like I’m cheating my readers out of the “real” me, yet I don’t even quite know who the “real” me is. Sounds puzzling right? I’m sure it does. I’m confused about it too!

Well, for the next couple of days I’m going to try to figure some things out because I’m not happy with this blog. It’s becoming a copy paste chalkboard for me and I find myself wanting to delete everything until I figure out what I’m actually aiming for. I really wish this was easier for me.

I love writing, but this isn’t what I thought having a blog would consist of. Maybe this just isn’t for me. I guess only time will tell. :(